I once had depression. I had it so bad that it ruined my life. It made me cry for no reason, it made me hate everyone. It eventually made me feel nothing about anything. I was someone existing without any joy, excitement, wonder or hope, I was lost and I couldn’t give a shit about getting better.
I suffered from it for about two years before I eventually started to regain some semblance of a life. I slowly regained my confidence and started to feel positive for the first time in ages. This post is about how you can regain your confidence as you come out of depression.
Rig the game to win
Rig the game to win is a piece of advice a friend once told me when I was in the midsts of it all. It fell on deaf ears, but after enough time had passed I thought: what have I got to lose by trying it?
What rigging the game to win means is setting yourself up for success, it’s making sure that whatever you choose to do you can’t lose. This is the secret to regain confidence, and anyone can do it.
Why should you rig the game to win?
This uses a few principals that any life coach, mentor, self-help book or motivational speaker and indeed science will use. It’s important to rig the game to win because winning gives you momentum, winning makes you feel good about yourself, winning gives you a sense of achievement, winning makes you feel more powerful in the most authentic way. All these things give you confidence. Think back to a time you won or achieved something, felt pretty darn good right?
confidence helps give you your life back
If you can rig the game to win, you can start to emerge from depression quicker than you ever thought. Confidence is a huge component of freeing yourself from the black hole that is depression. Confidence is the huge spotlight that shits all over the blackness of depression.
How do you rig the game to win?
You can rig the game to win by giving yourself goals that you know you can do, and you can do them easily. For example if you have trouble getting up in the morning, your sole goal for the next day could be to get up 20 minutes after you wake up. You will probably not want to get up, you might have to force yourself to get up, but when you do – boom! You’ve just rigged the game to win and you’ve won!
Not rigging the game to win would be saying to yourself “Okay, tomorrow I will make myself get up early and have a healthy breakfast, then do my washing”. Hang on! Hold up here! That’s not rigging it to win, that’s setting yourself up for failure because you’re trying to achieve too many things. Remember, we’re rigging it to win, not trying to get a medal for how many things we can achieve in a day.
These goals might be big or small for you, but that doesn’t matter. It’s something you have trouble with so the mere act of achieving it is a big deal. Once you’ve gotten up you’ve done your task for the day and now you can reward yourself! Allow yourself to do something you want, like watch an episode of a TV series, read for a bit, eat a bowl of ice cream. Anything is ok, just make sure it’s something you’d like to do.
Some more examples of rigging the game to win
Anything that you have 100% control over you can rig to win. I recommend you get a pen and a piece of paper and write down a list of things, in any order, that you can do that you have 100% control over.
These could be things like: what time you get up, making the bed, walking the dog, having a shower, controlling what you eat, what you wear, and so on. All these things you can rig to win.
Your ‘goals for tomorrow’ could be “Okay, I know when I wake up I will probably feel like shit and I won’t want to get up, but let’s just force myself to do it, let’s get up within 10 minutes of waking up, even if I don’t want to.” Great! You’ve just rigged the game to win, all you need to do is make sure you get up. Once you get up you can reward yourself with something, whatever that might be for you.
If the next morning you just can’t get up, that’s okay too. At least you wrote the list and made a genuine effort to do it. If you can’t, do your best to do it the next morning.
Your rigged achievements will build and give you momentum
All this rigging and winning has a great effect, it gives you a sense of achievement, no matter how small. Let’s face it, any sense of achievement is better than none at all. It’s a fact that achievement gives you a sense of momentum, and gives you more confidence and motivation to do the next thing. Tony Robbins once famously said “A big reason we can feel stuck, down or even depressed is a lack of forward momentum”. I agree.
Perhaps you’ve now done a week of getting up within 20 minutes of waking up, and you’ve proven to yourself you can do it. That’s great! Give yourself a pat on the back. Now you can give yourself two things you can do to win. For example get up within 20 minutes and make yourself go for a walk for 20 minutes. That’s easy enough. Great! Now you’re rigging even more and achieving even more! You’re amazing! You’re rigging and you’re winning and you’re making your confidence start to come back, bit by bit.
You’ll need to try your best
I know that depression is exhausting and gives you zero motivation for most things, even getting up can feel like having to get a degree in astrophysics. However, it will require some effort from you. You can’t expect change if you don’t put in any effort, depression doesn’t just ‘go away’. It’s a hard fact to hear, but unfortunately it’s true.
Even though its hard to hear, in a way it can give you hope that there is a way out of this, you just need to act. I guarantee that if you start rigging the game to win, your confidence will gradually start to come back. Along with confidence your self-esteem, outlook on life, energy, happiness and contentment will also start to come back. You can get through this!
Start putting into place the things I mentioned above, giving yourself a task that you know you can do, and then do it. You’re rigging the game to win and you’re winning!
You’re amazing at rigging the game!
I’ve written many posts about building yourself back up. I think you might be really interested in reading about how to give yourself power and confidence by learning how to say no! Also how to wake up fresh using sleep cycles, the secret to getting and keeping good things in life and how to stop procrastinating.
There’s tons of other great posts on my self development page so I urge you to go and have a read.
It’s a great feeling getting the first win, what will you rig to get it?